Thursday, April 20, 2006

Emotionally and Physically exhausted....

What is it with me? It is not like me to be this way. Lately I have been crying at the drop of a freaking hat. This is not like me. Normally I only cry when I'm really mad, or watch a sad movie. But now it's like I'm not me anymore. I don't get it. I wonder if it is just stress and being totally exhausted. Tonight as I sat in the middle of my living room and just cried and cried, I felt like I was in a really really bad movie. I had this almost outer body experience as I looked down at myself and shook my head and said "Get a grip of youerself girl!". I only cried for about 2 minutes wiped my tears off and went to let the doggies out.

This occurs everytime I come home from J's house. No he's not mean to me or hurt me or anything in that nature. He loves me unconditionally, he loves me even if I nag at him to get things done. Like the other night I got up and out of bed at 11:30 at night got dressed and headed to his house, he was at work. Walked in there and started cleaning the living room, I had asked him to do this but I knew that he'd be to tired to do this. So I did it. I was there until 3 am cleaning. It was not fun, but it had to be done. And clean? That's not me either. I don't like cleaning! I mean my apartment is not a pit by anymeans, but I alwasy find something better to do then clean. For some odd reason with his house I just want to clean clean clean clean. I'm not me, who is this person? Am I possessed?

While I was cleaning the living room at his house I had to find some rope to move the roll of carpet we have not layed yet to the other side of the room. Well I put the rope around the carpet as I did this a icky big spider jumped out at me. I freaked I hate spiders. It was one of those really fast ones, like the ones that chase you as you try to kill it, yeah it was fun. Well anyways I killed it, I know he did nothing wrong to die. Oh except scare the pee out of me that was reason enough for me.

But anyways, I was tugging this carpet to the other side of the room and let me tell you this it was HEAVY!!! I mean it took two of to get it in, and we really needed maybe 2 more people to help. And then I rolled up the plastic we had layed out to catch paint that would of dropped on the floor. I stop while I was rolling the plastic back up. That's when I realized we don't have blinds on any of the windows in that room. And i had all the lights on in the room. If anyone was walking or driving down the street at that moment, they would of seen me with:

1. A rope, 2. Using something in my hand and swating the floor with it 3. Having a very difficult time with moving something on the floor and 4. rolling up (or to them maybe unrolling) thick plastic. What would this person think I was doing? I am surprised that cops didn't pull up into the drive, as this person probably thought I just killed someone. Yeah it didn't look good, and most of his neighbors don't know who I am. I don't think most of them know we are getting married. So this is the leason I learned in the future. Do not do those 4 things at 2 in the morning with all lights on and no blinds. NOT GOOD!

Anyways that is way off my subject: I wonder if I'm getting cold feet? Is this what it is? Please someone whose been married or no someone that has gotten married, is this what it is? I mean it's only 5 weeks from tomorrow (friday) that I'm getting married. Could I possible have cold feet?

HELP!!! I want to stop crying all the damn freaking time!!!

6 of you stopped by and said:

At 7:22 AM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

hang in there! you are taking a huge step in life, getting married isint like buying a new car or getting a new puppy. So, that being said, its probly just all the stress to your upcoming event mounting on you. It happens to a lot of brides. I acted kinda(actually it was VERY) crazy during my wedding days, so I think its all normal. heres a story: my best friend(since 4th grade) and I were at the church, she and I were alone, packed house outside, adjusting my veil. I was voicing my inner doubts, even tho my hubby-like your fiance, loves me unconditionally. Best friend L. said "hey, S. is the man for you, he would literally give his life for you but......if your not sure, we can cut and run right now, out this back door, we'll take a small roadie and get your head on straight, but if your leaving, its gotta be NOW" I seriously considered doing it too. lol, at every one of my anniversaries we have a giggle over this.
Craziness before getting hitched is a God-given I think. It sounds like your man is awesome for you and makes you happy. You'll probly snap out of it soon and get a huge boost of energy as the big day approaches, I did. but, if the crying jags keep up or you think your becoming depressed (might not have anything to do w/ the upcoming wedding) you might see your MD. Hang in there! itll get better : )

At 8:45 AM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

I hated to throw the whole MD thing in there because your probly just freakin cause of the upcoming event. But, my family is full of doctors, nurses, and ohhh I have to admit it, COPS! lol, take it easy, I think you'll be feeling better than ever soon : ))

At 9:11 AM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

barngoddess - I understand ya! I was like this last september when I was adjusting on living in my own house after living with my parents for ever (my whole life except when i went to college). I think I'm the type of person that can't handle change very well!!

At 11:39 AM, Blogger Rude1 said...

I just wanted to say that the image you described with the rope, plastic, and dragging cracked me up! Just be glad you werent slinging red paint around!

At 11:50 AM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

rude1 - lol OH GOODNESS THAT WOULD OF BEEN BAD!!! No I will not do that again! As this girlie could never hurt anyone not even a fly, but darn for sure I will Kill a damn spider!!!!

At 2:35 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

heehee rude1, that would be suspicious! lol. omg, I hate hate spiders, they care me to no end-yikers! I can handle a snake, any kind of snake over a spider. Hey-atleast you can shoot a snake, a sneaky spider might jump on ya and you'd have heck getting it off w/out getting spider bit~


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