Monday, April 24, 2006

Rough...since the last time posted (WARNING LONG POST!!!)


Well lets see what has happen in the last 38 hrs since I posted the last time. Hmmm...well I've decided I'm not getting married. This is after picking up my dress and everything else. WHAT? I know what that is what you are thinking. This is what a lot of people have stated when I've told them. See if you read back in my past few post, I'm not happy. I was so totally happy until all this remodeling stuff started.

Reasons for this are : He doesn't help (and he has stated when he doesn't like doing something it's hard to make him do it, well buddy this is not gonna work), He doesn't want to move out of his home sell it and rent one. His home has A LOT and I MEAN ALOT of problems, this I did not know until I started doing the Remodeling myself, I have to scream and loose it to get anything out of him help wise. I get tired of his having to know everything and never be wrong, talking to me like I'm stupid, throwing the fact that he makes more money than me (well DUH he's a guy!! LIke anybody would know that), and I can't stand crying anymore.

You know I never noticed half these things in the very beginning, or I wouldn't of set date so close. I knew his house was a mess when we first started dating but I figured well, a little cleaning and painting and mowing and this place will be a cute house. NOPE, WRONG, GUESS AGAIN!! This is not the case. THis house is about to fall apart. I can not live like that, call me stuck up or snobby I don't care. I never would imagine myself living the rest of my life in house like that. I didn't have a great huge house growing up, it was ver very tiny in fact, ask Laura she knows. But it was always clean and the yard was emaculant (ask laura again), she this is how I would want to keep my house. I'm not stating I'm a NEAT FREAK, because I'm not, I do have my messes, but my house is still "clean" in terms of when you walk across my floor your feat don't turn black and you have flip flops on. I do not have stuff growing on or around my refridgerator. My floors in the kitchen, bathroom, and laundry room ( i don't have a laundry room i go to the laundry mat this is giving you a picture of what I'm dealing with here) are not about to fall into the basement. I don't have wholes in my walls, and my house just plain doesn't stink (unless one of the dogs messed intheir cages, and this can not be helped at times).

I can't do it, I've tried to see if he would change, he has plainly stated that he doesn't want it this way (not is so many words). He is not willing to pay 500 to 600 a month for rent for something that he will not eventually own. Oh, so this whole lets fix up the house was just all big talk, but can't pull threw with it? See I waited and waited and waited for him to say okay lets start painting or even start it without me, as this was not my house and would not be until we were married, he never did so I had to step up and start it, and GOT LITTLE TO ALMOST NO HELP. His excuse is He hates painting, well then If you aren't painting go do something else, put the sheet rock up in the bedroom, fix the damn bathroom floors, make your room mate clean his room (or move out since he's not there anyways). This by the way is how it started for my unhappiness. I love him, but I guess not enought to look over this.

My mom spent an hour and half with him alone yesterday (my mom and dad came over to help me clean as in 1 week i would have to move my stuff). She said all the same things she stated to me the day before. She looked at him and said if she were me she'd run away from this house as fast as she could, but she couldn't speak for me, but knew that I wouldn't live like this and would not want to live like this. She sat us both down when I got (from 3 1/2 hours at the laundry mat doing his Laundry..i filled 3 triple load washes and had 7 drivers going at the end). And stated that for this we need to settle this problem. We tried after my mom and dad left. But before my dad left He my mother and myself were outside by ourselves, James was inside, and mom said "I don't know honney, this is your decision if it were me I wouldn't have ever stated I would live here from the begining." she left. Dad said (see dad weed eated and racked up alot of stuff in the front yard, but only go 1/4 of the way, that is b4 J came out and stated "um my brother is gonna mow tomorrow" and walked back in, this was very rude of J) "he didn't tell me kiss my ass, thanks for nothing, or thank you." okay this is not right in my books. You do not have people help you and not thank them for their services!!

We talked and talked and talked (okay I talked and Talked and Talked). When ever I asked for his input he would say "i have nothing to say". Well this was not true because I could see he was thinking something. He finally said it, which is what I asked God to give me I asked GOd to give me a sign. "I don't want to live this house, this is the one thing I own and I don't want to give it up". Welp buddy obivioulsy the house was more important to you. I'm not living there. I said well that was my answer, and that I won't deffianlty decide anything until our last premaritial counsceling, OH THIS SURPRISED HIM.

"What's Father J gonna think, we had a perfect relationship up until now." I was thrown back, was he just asking me not to mention this to the man of god and the one who would or would not marry us? No no no, this can't be. I looked at him and said "Well J it has to be brought up, if he says we can work this out then that is fine if he says we can't work this out, I'm not waisting time on saving a marriage before it even begins." He looked at me. I looked back (mind you I am crying througout this whole ordeal!), "James this is a big enough issue that he may not even agree to marry us." I left.

I went to my parents house, walked in tears in my eyes, and stringing down my cheeks. My dad got up and hugged me, and my mom got up and hugged me, and said "This is for the best, at least you found this out now and not later." Well it still hurts, I wanted this more than anything. I wanted him more than anything, but this is just to much for 1 person to handle when the other is NOT WILLING to do anything.

My mom called Father J and told him (don't know what was said),the girl doing the cake, and the rest of my family (my invitations have not been sent out yet) I called the hair dresser, and the Photographer.

See he wanted to hand out his invitations (but ended up mailing them out, as he got the address BUT WAS NOT WILLING TO DO THIS AT THE TIME I ASKED HIM SO I COULD HAVE ALL AT ONCE MAILED OUT< This should of been a sign!!!). I looked at him and said you shouldn't of mailed them out yet, you'll have to call all those people you know. I don't know if heard me or not.

I have a couch and an ottoman that is almost 800 total worth (that I paid for) that I don't know if it will fit into my small apartment or not. I'm not keeping it there he just can't have it, he can pay me for it or i'm storing it. I also have an entertainment center there, and my brand new (it's not brandew it is an antique) curio cabinet over there. I'm not telling him that this is off until I know i can get mystuff out, and not worry about him messing anything up!!!

He's not gonna be happy, I'm not happy about it myself. THis is not what I wanted to do, this is not what I had planned. But I asked for signs and well I was slapped in the face with them.

Well I'm totally mentally and physically exhausted and this a long long post...i'll post again tonight, maybe I'll know if my couch will fit in the apartment.

Like i said I don't know if the relationship is over, it just maybe, he's not going to change and I can't make him or waste my time trying.

Well buh bye.

4 of you stopped by and said:

At 3:13 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

ohhhnoo, I am so sorry! But, look better it happened now then after you were married. Your parents sound great, rudeness towards then is intolerable, I totally agree. I understand about the 'house' situation. Men are strange creatures, I live w/ 3: a hubby and 2 sons, I will never understand them. Maybe you and J. can work it all out eventually. I am sure you still love eachother. Very wise of you knowing that people cannot make people change. Hang in there.......

At 8:27 PM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

I've been hearing that alot today, better now then after we were married. The father that was going to marry us, was thankful I did this now. He was really impressed with me. I just knew it wouldn't work out. It's sad to say, but...what can you do?

At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Laura said...

Just remember I'm here!

At 9:17 PM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

awww laura you are my bestest friend!!! I love you!!!


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