Thursday, June 15, 2006


You know what sucks is when you are living your life and you think everything is honky doory, and then BAM, life hits you right in the face.

Yeah, that's what I feel like. I had a wonderful experence the first part of this year, and then I think life decided it was going to take it's own little turn not matter if I liked it or not. I blame life for this, life stinks! I wish I were a dog, their only worries is if they have a good loveing home, food, water, and lots of love. Yeah, that sounds good to me.

I believe that maybe I made a huge horrible mistake, but I can't go back and fix it. I wish that there was a big clock (like the one in back to the future), that if you really needed to you could go and push back the hands on the clock to the exact moment when life decided it was going to take you on that stupid wrong turn, and change it. But unfortuniatly we can't do that, in our dreams maybe, but not in real life.

I truly think that life was only trying to test me and my strength, and unfortuniatly life won, and I was beat like a red headed step child in this test. I crumbled under the pressures, the pressures of life. But my life is not the only one that I messed up, there where a whole lot of other lives in the mixup. Pfft...leave it to Susan to fuck something up. Like the saying "give it to mikey, he'll eat anything", it's like that with me but it's "if you want it messed up for life, give it to Susan, she can mess up anything".

I guess that I'll live and learn from this experience, but I rather have life go my way once in a while, and not the other way around.

I haven't slept well for the last oh month or so. I just lay there in my bed thinking to myself what could have been, but it is not. Yeah, I know that made no bit of sense, o'well.

Pfft...(if you don't know what pfft is it my version of a raspberry for the internet) know I would like to shove Life up it's own ass sometimes!!!

Well my point is actually this, whomever's life I screwed up I'm sorry. I don't look for forgiveness or anything like that, just to let everyone know that I'm truly sorry, that I'm bad omen and seem to not only screw up my own life but others as well.

4 of you stopped by and said:

At 10:06 AM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

oh Susan, you did not screw anything up. Quit being so hard on yourself. I think I know what/whom your talking about. Go see him, talk to him, feelings are not on a switch that can be turned ON/OFF.

At 2:57 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

my one lonely doing okay?

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

I have days like this, too. They pass but they suck when I'm having 'em. Actually, I finally DID go back to the person I needed to talk too. I felt so bad and I couldn't sleep either and I felt like EVERYBODY knew what I had done. I felt much better after I did go back to him and we picked up where we left off after I did that.

At 11:55 PM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

to everyone - i'm better now, he ended up coming over here and we ended up um...talking thats it.

No i'm really okay, i just have a lot of baggage that I need to get off my chest, and when you only talk to dogs all the time you kind ago a little nuts!!!


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