Monday, July 17, 2006

Used...

I always seem to set myself up for hurt, and know i am before i do it. How sick is that?

I knew before a certain person and I got together a couple of times in the past month that it didn't mean much more than, gettin together, but when I came straight out and asked him, he confirmed this piece of information to me. GASP! Yeah, that was my reaction too....o well....you live and you learn, and sometimes you just don't learn from your previous mistakes then later on you do it again, and still don't learn, one of these days you will learn not to make those mistakes.

Being used is not what I call my cup of tea. I guess I was foolish to think that the love i have for him just wasn't ENOUGH to do anything, he hurt me again. And you know what I probably will let him hurt me a couple more times before I realize what the hell I'm doing. I don't know i've never been good with this whole boy/girl thing. I understand dogs better than I do men, and dogs don't talk, OH WAIT NEITHER DO MEN!!!! Pfftt...go figure.

As i sit here tears rolling down my cheaks for something I knew was going to happen, I don't know. I wish life was so not complicated. I want what my best friend Laura has so much I can tast it. She and her husband are the best couple, they are not only husband and wife, but they are best friends, they get each other, I want that. I don't see it in my grasp for a very long time.

I guess this whole past month i was in la la land, i knew what it was when it started it was just two people getting together to get together (i hope you all know what i mean), but what hurts i guess is that HE knew what I wanted before the first time, and now amonth later "i don't know what i want". I 've heard that so many freaking times in my life from men. Do i have this sign on my head that says "Use Me?" I don't pick anyone to do this stuff with either, i pick them out very carefully, and I don't open my hear to just anyone (except people i do not know over the interenet, weird huh, well that's me ms. wierdo!) i don't just do it to do it, there's got be something there for me to do it, if there is not then there (EEEEKKKKK SPIDER ON MY SCREEEN SPIDER ON MY SCREEN..............ok it's dead, I will continue, oh how lucky you are) will be anything coming from me. That make sense?

He knows this, and still did what he did without 2nd thought, I think that is what UPSETS me the most, but as I stated I knew it all along, I just hoped it wouldn't be that and i was totally absolutely wrong. Nope, unfortunialty this time it doesn't pay to be right, damnit! Why is that this day in age it's so hard to find Mr. Right? I mean it was so easy when we were younger wasn't it? Or is it because when we were younger we didnt have "certain" standards to go by, yeah, that's probably it. We didn't care who we dated just so we were and we could someone our "boyfriend". I'm going to go with my first initial thought before i started typing this last part of this paragraph and it's this, "all the GOOOD men out there are taken by women who do not deserve them, or they are gay....damn gay men have it all!!! PFFFTTTTT"

*disclaimer* i in no way have anything against the gays and lesbians, i have several friends who are, i just wish that one time one gay guy would be like, hey i'm not gay, i like girls!!!! That would be nice, lol!!!!!

4 of you stopped by and said:

At 12:33 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

I have 2 gay male friends who are awesome buds of mine, more so than any of my 'female friends' (besides best friend L of course!) I always think "what a waste!" they both have looks, money, great personalities, and very kind natures but they like men...sigh.

DOnt give up on Mr.Right. Im serious, theres the right one for every one out there in this world, we all have to strike out a few times before we find the love of our life.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

p.s. I forgot to add that 95% of all men are or have been, self serving dogs more than once in thier lives!

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

My first thought is - don't beat yourself up. Enjoy the relationship for what it is. I think you will "know" when you meet the right one. But first, make sure you know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, so you don't just "settle".

I will say one of my best buds just got married a year ago. For years, she'd say the same thing and I would say "do NOT be in a hurry", just wait. She found the best guy ever and you will too. When the time is right!

 
At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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