Friday, August 18, 2006

What Ifs...

I was reading barngoddess' blog this morning, and she made me stop and think. Thinking is not one of my best qualities, lol. But I thought I would do this to, because sometimes you just have to get those what ifs out of your head to be able to enjoy your day.

What if I didn't listen to my mother when I was enrolling for high school? I would probably be in hollywood right now with a smoking acting career, and a celeb boyfriend. I didn't become shy until after my mother refused to let me take all acting classes as my electives my freshman year!

What if my ex (not james) and I were still together? I would be living in bartlesville, living out the dream of having money!

What if I was never put up for adoption? I would probably be living on the wrong side of the tracks in our town, with about 5 kids, and no money, and probably a drug addict and an alcoholic.

What if I took that step in the bathroom that one day? I would not be here, and I would of hurt alot of people by doing what I wanted to at the time.

What if my mother and I got along when I was growing up? I probably wouldn't have the relationship we have now.

What if I didn't do what made me thin back when I was younger? I wouldn't have suck bad teeth right now, and I wouldn't be ashamed of myself when I look back on the pictures of my youth.

What if I actually ran away that one day? I would probably regret it and refer back to number 3.

What if I stayed with the boyfriend back in high school? I would be married to a guy that was in prison for raping one of my good friends.

Those are my what if's I could go all day with the questions....but right now i'm depressed on what I just wrote. They aren't as deep as I intended, but then when I thought about the really deep hurtful would just stir up alot more what ifs and then I don't know what I would do....

But life sure plays you some real winning hands, and then some not so good hands, to me I see life one day as a good poker hand, and the other days a reall loosing hand, you just don't know what the dealers going to give you!

3 of you stopped by and said:

At 8:13 PM, Blogger BarnGoddess said...

what ifs....mine I posted were just the tip of the ice berg, I think yours are the same, you are just scratching the surface. It seems like we have even more in common than I thought!

life is definately a poker hand...

At 9:06 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

You wonder why I don't gamble...I never seem to have good enough why bother!

I understand the what if questions....I just wish I could go back in life 10 or 15 years (yes, I'm older than ya'll)..I wanna go back and know what I know now...Wow would I have done some things differently!

At 9:06 PM, Blogger butterfly_chic26 said...

Yes mine were just the iceberg, and let me tell ya, if I ever got into therapy then that therapist would get their moneys worth, i'm tellin ya!! Or knowing my luck I'd be locked up in the looney bin!!!


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