Friday, August 04, 2006

Why?

You're probably think that the title of this is a littls strange, and I agree. It is. But the realization is this; we all think the same thing. This word is the most common thought and asked out of all the words in our vocabulary. Have you ever stopped and thought about how many times you think or speak this word? Why? No, of course you haven't because we really do not stop to think, we just ask.

We start using this word around the age of two-years-old. Why mommy does the bird fly? Why is that blue? Why are you doing that? Why? Why? Why? This does eventually get on our parents nerves, but they always have the right answers for you. It's when we get older that they really have to stop and think about the answers. Why doesn't he like me? Why is she so mean? Why do I look like this? Why didn't I get into the college of my choice? These questions are so hard to answer for anyone, but especially parents.

Yes, I realize, I myself am not a parent. But I do have nieces and nephews and do listen to them when they talk to my brothers and thier wives. Yes, I have myself asked these exact same questions. And I can't even answer them logically.

My in depth questions because probably around the age of 11, and in the 6th grade. It's the first day of school, a new school, not just for me but for all of us 6th graders. We had finally gotten out of Elementary hell, and evovled to the steps of becoming little humanbeins. I get out of the car, quickly kiss my father on the cheek, God forbid anyone see that. I know he felt it too, when did his little girl grow up and become embarrassed about being seen with her father? I get out and walk up to, we'll call her Sally, my best friend since the first day of Kindegarten. She looks at me and walks away. I follow her, like a lost puppy dog. She turns around and asks "Why are you following me?" I stop in my tracks. Did she just ask me this question, of Why? Doesn't she know we are best friends? I look at her and say "Well, because you keep walking away." I was very logical even at this age. She looked at me again, her straight blonde hair glistening in the morning sun. I can tell she has the faintest amount of makeup on. My mom wouldn't allow me to wear makeup at the age of 11. She just laughs, you know that little, "I can't believe you just said that" laugh. "What's wrong?" I ask. She just walks away with the other girls. I stand there. "What did I do?" I asked. She barely looks back and says "You are not wearing the right clothes." And she keeps walking away.

I'm standing there in the court yard of the school all alone. I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. Um, what just happened here? I look around and I see the kids I've gone to school with my whole going to school carreer, and others that I don't know. In our city at that time we had 4 elementary schools (and this is a very small town) and in the 6th grade we all were forced to breath the same air. There are kids from the "wrong" side of the tracks, and others that seem to have just jumped out of a fashion magazine. I look down at what I was wearing. My newest outfit my parents had boughten me from JcPenny's. I believe it was a pair of jeans and a nice sleavless button down shirt, and some kind of shoes. How could I not be wearing the right clothes? I was wearing CLOTHES.

I ventured over to this group of kids, and stood there. A girl that had not talked to me since the 3rd grade, who we'll call Janie, whom I was friends with from the age of 2 years old, to the 3rd grade, asked me who my home room teacher was. I stated "Mrs. McKinney" (i think that was her name,lol, I can't remember now, lol) and she said "Me too!" and she got all excited. In my mind I was like, um....k. But I smiled and said that was "cool". We talked and we found out that we were both in the same homeroom which meant that we would have every class together, and then we were both playing the flute, which meant that we would have all the afternoon extra classes together. Like P.E. and art, and band. This became a "friendship".

I went home and asked my mother "Why did Sally say I didn't have the right clothes?" She just stated that "Sally doesn't know what she is talking about." I finally figured out about 1 week later why she said this it was because she was "popular" and I wasn't. When did this become the case? I was just popular less then 4 months ago. I was okay to bee seen with by her less then 3 weeks ago. Why wasn't I popular? I told my mom "I know the reason Sally said what she did" and she asked the famous question of "Why's that?" and I said "Because she is popular, and I am not" my mom about chocked on her food. "Who says she is popular, and you aren't?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I guess she did." My mom laughed and said "Well I don't think just because she says she is and you are not, doesn't mean that you aren't either. I mean she is only 11 years old." I shrugged my shoulders.

This became a big issue for me all through my junior high and high school career. I so desperatly wanted what Sally had. I wanted to be popular also, I would give anything to be so. Freshman year came around and my best friend Janie, you know the girl I met again in the 6th grade, pulled the same ass stunt as Sally, but in a different way. She invited all her friends to this little party, except for me. I didn't even know it until my other best friend, whom by the way is still my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Laura, asked me if I was going. I looked at her and go "What party?" she tried to cover up what she said, but she couldn't. We were at this school carnival, I played like everything was cool, and that I didn't care. But I did care. Why wasn't I invited to this party? I didn't understand, we were all friends, and I was the ONLY ONE NOT INVITED. The night of the party, I was sitting in the dark in my room. My mom comes in, and I had tears running down my eyes, she asked me what happened, and I told her. She said "Why don't we go rent a movie, and we can have a party here together." So she took me to blockbuster and we rented a movie, got home watched it and ate popcorn. What a cool party huh? With your own mother? God I felt even worse, but of course I didn't tell her that.

That Monday my friend Laura told me that she had the worst time ever at the party, and some of me was glad that she did, but another part of me was sad for her. I asked why and she said "Because all Janie did was make out with her boyfriend Kyle (not his name either). The rest of us left them there and walked around the woods." I said that was "gross" and other stuff. I stopped Janie in the hallway at school and asked "Why aren't we as close as we were?" and this is what she said "Well, because you aren't smart enough to hang out with the rest of us." WHOA! BITCH. The rest of "us" were her new "Smart" friends. I just said "Whatever" and walked away.

Why do people treat other people like Sh*t? My best friend Laura, will always be my best friend, she will never wear the Wrong clothes, or not be smart enough (although she is very smart, and well I'm not, lol). I would of never told someone this, course I wasn't nice in school either, but I would never come out in tell my friends this type of junk.

Why am I writing about this? (see that word comes up alot, now i've got you thinking huh? lol). See I rented "Popular" from Netflix, and just watching this show brings up alot of memories of my junior and high school days. And how much I wanted what the kids in this show had. Thinking back on it, I was "popular" Everyone knew who I was, I said hi to everyone that passed me. It's just I didn't hang out with them. I would talk to the "popular" kids at school, but never Sally, she was a bitch in my book, and frankly she still is, the same with Janie, I have not talken to her since our freshman year in college, and very little then. But I still talk to the other popular kids from way back when. You know sometimes life deals you a lot of crappy hands, and you know what, you actually learn from them. Some for the better and some for the worst, but non-the-less you learn from them.

I realize that this is a long stinking entry, but you know what, we will never quit asking the question WHY? It will always be there and lingering and just waiting to be asked.

So Why?

6 of you stopped by and said:

At 6:25 PM, Blogger RedNeckGirl said...

I think every school had it's own little "Sally"....I was never really in the "IN" crowd I was different....I looked like I was 18 when I was 12 (in fact I look about the same now, only heavier) I was popular with the boys because of my "assets" if you know what I mean and the girls would call me names like ho and slut just because the boys liked me.....even when I didn't give the guys the time of day.

After reading your post I was thinking that Sally was bad but the girl that was your friend and then said you weren't smart enough really gets to me......those kind of people usually end up without any friends.

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

Sometimes asking "Why" can only send you into fits of depression and downward spirals. It also can really confuse you. Things you can ask why to and never know:
>Why did Davey Allison die in his 30's in a helicopter crash yet Red Farmer who was with him and in his 70's survived?
>Why are we attracted to certain people and not to others?
>Why did God put so many idiots on this earth? Oh wait, I KNOW this one. To entertain those of us who are not idiots.
>Why was I not born with the last name "Gates" or married into the last name of "Clooney"?

Oh well, as you can see, the "why" circle captivates me too.

I'm off to spread joy and sunshine where'ere I go tonight (HA).

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger Lisa said...

Girls can be sooo mean. I went to a small school until high school, by small I mean there were 22 people in my class, 22 and we only had one class per grade. So lets say 22 people and 12 were girls and do you know with only 12 girls there were still three differant cliques...I hoovered between the cool clique and the girls who thought we were cooler then the nerd clique. It amazes me how even little girls just seperate into "groups". Mean Girls is a movie the illastrates it fully!!!

 
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